It is tough being a women in a mean world.

This Bible study has taken me on a huge journey already! I have a sister who shared her 40 day journey testimony with the bible study. I love listening to what others learned and how it relates to me. I use to think that was selfish but I have learned that if I can learn from them it is not. God always has a word for each of us in those moments, ok maybe not directly but I found that in some way it can be used on someone you know or in you leading someone to christ. Now that I have gotten way of topic here I am going to lead in the I have been a mean women. I have so many fears and insecurities that I have blotched two very good friendships with two beautiful sisters of christ. This is hard for me to share because it hurts me and I hurt them. It was a time in my life that I was struggling with what God wanted from me and I could not hear him, feel him and felt like he could not hear me. I was in Bible College and was learning about him but was struggling with my past hurts. The more I learned about God the more past seem to surface. I ended up leaving Bible College and hurt a good friend of mine. She was even my roomate in college. I had introduced to her a good male friend of mine and they are now married. I also hurt my best friend from high school. Up until doing this lessons I did not understand why I did so. I left threatened. I was a coward and fearful to let my past and mistakes that I was still making show so I hurt my friends. It is low. I have to live with that and it hurts. They both were beautiful, moral and knew what God had planned in there life. They seemed to have it all together and I was jealous and felt threatened that I would be left behind in the friendship. So instead of letting that happen I acted in ways to ended our friendships. Several years ago I tried to mend things by sending letters to these ladies. I did not get a response. I understand we will never be great friends again. I was hoping to chat once in a while and email once in a while. I was a mean girl because of my history! Something that I regret to this day. I pray for my two friends and pray that God will guide us to least work things out. It is not wise to compare yourself to others yet we find ourselves doing it all the time. It is hard not to get sucked into that mind frame. I have started to new prayer at night. As I am laying in bed I pray for God protection over my boys, husband and house. I pray that God will always us to have restful sleep. I thank God for loving me and creating me in His image. I thank God for making me the way I am and to help to use that in anyway He has planned. I pray for God peace to fall on me and I am usually alseep before Amen. I have already seen the difference. My challenge is to have all of us identify with our threats, insecurities and what makes us mean. Assess them and find out why it makes us do mean things. Let's put scripture there instead. Proverbs says we should be slow to responsed to anger and we need to cool down first. Something I need to do. I have a long was to becoming a wise women but with God on my side and I in His word I will learn more on how to do so.