It is tough being a women in a mean world.

This Bible study has taken me on a huge journey already! I have a sister who shared her 40 day journey testimony with the bible study. I love listening to what others learned and how it relates to me. I use to think that was selfish but I have learned that if I can learn from them it is not. God always has a word for each of us in those moments, ok maybe not directly but I found that in some way it can be used on someone you know or in you leading someone to christ. Now that I have gotten way of topic here I am going to lead in the I have been a mean women. I have so many fears and insecurities that I have blotched two very good friendships with two beautiful sisters of christ. This is hard for me to share because it hurts me and I hurt them. It was a time in my life that I was struggling with what God wanted from me and I could not hear him, feel him and felt like he could not hear me. I was in Bible College and was learning about him but was struggling with my past hurts. The more I learned about God the more past seem to surface. I ended up leaving Bible College and hurt a good friend of mine. She was even my roomate in college. I had introduced to her a good male friend of mine and they are now married. I also hurt my best friend from high school. Up until doing this lessons I did not understand why I did so. I left threatened. I was a coward and fearful to let my past and mistakes that I was still making show so I hurt my friends. It is low. I have to live with that and it hurts. They both were beautiful, moral and knew what God had planned in there life. They seemed to have it all together and I was jealous and felt threatened that I would be left behind in the friendship. So instead of letting that happen I acted in ways to ended our friendships. Several years ago I tried to mend things by sending letters to these ladies. I did not get a response. I understand we will never be great friends again. I was hoping to chat once in a while and email once in a while. I was a mean girl because of my history! Something that I regret to this day. I pray for my two friends and pray that God will guide us to least work things out. It is not wise to compare yourself to others yet we find ourselves doing it all the time. It is hard not to get sucked into that mind frame. I have started to new prayer at night. As I am laying in bed I pray for God protection over my boys, husband and house. I pray that God will always us to have restful sleep. I thank God for loving me and creating me in His image. I thank God for making me the way I am and to help to use that in anyway He has planned. I pray for God peace to fall on me and I am usually alseep before Amen. I have already seen the difference. My challenge is to have all of us identify with our threats, insecurities and what makes us mean. Assess them and find out why it makes us do mean things. Let's put scripture there instead. Proverbs says we should be slow to responsed to anger and we need to cool down first. Something I need to do. I have a long was to becoming a wise women but with God on my side and I in His word I will learn more on how to do so.

Homework

The homework that is for this week is great. It brings Cinderalla story to new meaning. I like Beth's refernce to Top Model and to the Bachelor. As King Xercus was looking for his new Queen what it had to be like for those women. They did not get a choice. I am thankful that I got to choose my husband. We strive to women who are beautiful. We strive to looke great all the time. I sit home with a bad cough and a temp off and on. I do not look good at all. I am not saying that I look great the rest of the time. I do take pride in looking MY best. I wear makeup and fix myhair. I try to wear clothes that flatter me. I am well aware that I need to loose weight. I do not run around town in my pjs...you know what I mean. I am so grateful that I was not paraded around like a trophy. I have a t-shirt that says future trophy wife. I get lots of remarks about that shirt. One that stand out to me is...a male. Pointed out that I was wearing a wedding ring so I had to be someone trophy wife. Then he looked right at me and said to not become a snotty women that thinks she looks to good for anybody. I smiled and said Thank you. It was a huge complment. I surprised me. We strive all the time to be better looking, youner looking, and being somebody else--anybody but ourselves. Esther is teaching us who to be a women after God's heart while being what He created us to be. WOW! To be just myself! This Bible study is such a eye opener. We had to read vrs from Proverbs about being wise. It shocked me. I have so much to learn. I need to work on controling my anger. Not that I get bad but I do get upset easily and want to act on it before I think. I desire to be more wise. God has set it out there for us if we just take the time to learn!

Reflecting

I just love to see God flow through Beth. I love watching her understand women...I mean she gets it. She truly get women. I often find myself missing an old friend from high school when I see Beth Moore speak. I guess it is because they are both strong christian women and have some of the same body language. I have a lot of regrets with this friend. It has often eaten at me. I have attempted to apologize for my lack of being a true friend. That I fell short of myself and everyone I loved. I know that is all I can do. I do not expect to be best friends again but I would love to just chat once in a while. I guess what I am getting at is if anyone out there understand. I will take advice and if nothing else pray for us.

I have seen the Devil trying to rip us apart. I came home from church wiped out and he just got some bad news so instead of us sharing that we start in on each other. It got ugly. Finally I sat down and asked him what is truly wrong and after a while he shared that his uncles cancer news was not good. With treatment he has possible three months to live with out there is no telling how long but no more than a month. We stopped and talked about it and prayed about it. Then we talked about me doing to much. I am disabled and forget it sometimes until I hurt so bad I can not walk. So the devil works on me with thought like if God truly loved you He would heal. you. He may but I do know He is using me and I am His vessel. I just have to keep that thought process going. I hope to get more people to add to this blog and have a great support system going here.

It is tough being a women in a world where beauty is a treatment.

Ladies we are in for a treat! This Bible Study is taking off. We have had an ice storm our first week and had to reschedule. We had our intro week and last week we had a tornado. The Devil does not want this Bible study to proceed. God has big plans for these ladies...including me! I have to add this first. I wanted to write these down as Beth was sharing these but I did not. I later copied them from a sister. These are four types of women
1. A woman who wants other woman to think she is beautiful is a miserable woman.
2. A woman who wants other men to think she is beautiful is a dangerous woman.
3. A woman who wants no one to think she is a beautiful is a terrified woman.
4. A woman who wants just a few to think she is beautiful is a normal woman.
We are always struggling with self image. I know I do. I have so many insecurities. So much so that it shocks me to hear that women I look up to have them. Yes, I am including Beth Moore in this but more so the women at my church. The ones whom seem to have it all together all the time. Today we got to touch on Esther background. Who she is and where she came from. Beth had me thinking about Mothers. I beat myself up all the time about doing what is right for my boys. I have failed them in so many ways. Let me tell you one thing that I strive for for them. I will not hear"Mom, you never told me about Jesus!" They will hear and have heard. With that said, I know that I am not the prefect mother and will not be. I do want my boys to look for a wife that has the same christian values I do. I want them to want wives like there mother. Not in some sick twisted way. Just in a way that I feel like I have done my job as a mother well.

This past week has been a rough week on our community. We had a F4 tornado interrupted our Bible study last week. We have a teenage girl whom has lost her parents. We have a two children that lost there mother in another matter. We come this Bible Study and touch base about Esther being an orphan. Wow that is something to ponder. Prayer is heavy on my heart for those families.

God is attracted to weakness. My first thought was WHAT?? But Old Faith Beth(not old in age sense but in wisdom)explains...more room for God! Ok I got it.

The heart of true wisdom is knowing the ways and the will of God.---Beth did not say this but I found it in my Bible and want to pound this into my head.

God rejects human wisdom because of its pride and self glory!---wow! How often do I try to rely on what I know instead of seeking God. I struggle with not being self centered...or being pro trade that way. I talk a lot. I talk to much. I feel because of that I come across as self centered. It eats me up. I am working on shutting my mouth and have been temped to just get that good ole duck tape out.

I have often felt cursed for being female. I have always had dreams that I feel conflict with being female. As I had kids I felt blessed for my boys. I also felt pressure. How do I compare with that soccer mom next door? When my kids are not listening in public what are others thinking? I struggle with this often. I have gotten better. I will raise my kids to respect and obey. I have learned to put my foot down. I am learning to discipline my kids in love. I have God on my side and I have a lot to learn. I have sought the council women in my church. I pray for my kids!

I am the music directory for 1-3 grade in my church. This means coming up with lessons for them. Often I write my own. I have had to learn to put it at there level and what works and does not work. I came up with a lesson while listen to Beth talk. I just wrote down the scripture and will work on it later. I love how God uses that sort of work.

Please continue to pray for Lone Grove as it goes through so much healing. I want to take a moment to thank all the people who have open there hearts, wallets, and skills to help get us back to some sort of normal life. May God bless you ten fold!

Bible Study with a twist

I am not even sure how to start this blog. I have so much to be thankful for. I am thankful I still have a family and a home! What does this have to do with a Bible study. Let me tell you. We were at our week one Bible study. We were going over the book work and just got to day four and my cell phone was going crazy. I was getting text messages that we were under a tornado warning. I truly not nothing of it. I was getting this message often. Other ladies were getting phone calls about the bad weather coming. We tried to continue until we got word that we had to take shelter. We went to the church hallway and people starting showing up to also take shelter. I depabated whether to head for home or not. I looked at the sky and have never seen anything like it. I am a nothern girl and have never been through a tornado but I knew something was going to happen. I heard the sirens and headed back to the hallway to take shelter. I called my husband and told him to take shelter. I asked him here his parents were and they were with him. The power popped off. I had tears running down my face. I felt safe. I did not feel like my kids were safe. I just started praying and praying. A sister held my hand and was next to me the whole time. I never had been so scared in my life. It was over faster then I could have ever thought it would be. I called my husband and at first did not get an answer and I thought the worse. No more did that thought pass then my phone rang it was my husband-they were OK. I got to talk to my two boys and my husband. I was OK. We were getting all kinds of mixed reports of more coming and were the tornado hit. We got reports of peoples house that were gone...people sitting next to me. We heard all kinds of reports. All I knew was it was dark out and we just had a tornado. It was something that I never thought I would have to deal with in my life time. My father in law tried to get to his house and could not because of down power lines and debre. That means I was unable to get home. So I got busy and got to helping were I could. It was early in the morning by the time I got home and I was so tired and had to go to work! We are now a town in survival mood. The headquarters seems to be our church! God is using my church family in mighty was! Stay tune to here about our next bible study!

It is tough being a women in another women's shadow

I have to share this bit of news. I have been so excited about this Bible study. I have had dreams about it. Prayed and prayed about it. Last Tuesday when I opened the book for the first time I was intimated. It looked like a lot of work. It scared me. It was laid out in a different manner and I had my concerns. We got into the intro and got busy. Beth took us off into this world of what we are to expect with Esther. Then Kimberly shared her bit with some of the younger women in the Bible study and I was in tears. I knew that God has something planned for me and had a lot to say to me through this study. It already has been a good lesson on hard work pays off. I have put the time into these daily lessons and I am seeing things a bit more clearly. It has helped to her Kimberly so humbly share that she has failed in things in her life. I think that sometimes as women we forget to realize that the women next to us has struggles. I know that I can beat myself up for something I said or action I did. It is hard for me on Sundays. Because of my husbands schedule he works 12 hours on Sundays. So I get up get the kids ready. I deal with all I do not want to's. We go to Sunday school. Then as my kids put it off to big church. I see all the "families" sitting there looking there Sunday best and I am here shuffling two boys whom never want to behave or be there. I wish my husband could be there with me. I wish I could been the family all decked out and seem to have it all together. I know what shallow thoughts. It is something God is working on with me. I know so many insecurities that it is nice to hear that someone like Beth Moore say that she has them also. I am not sure where others have been or at now. I think we all have one point in our lives had to deal with a burn from christian that we adored or thought highly. I know I have and it hurt bad. It has been a focus of mine not to do that to someone. I learned something while reading this intro. I do not need to put so much focus on that matter. I need to live as the Bible instructs, listen to God's voice and it will work out. I am not perfect never will be. That is why we have Jesus Christ as our Savior. For that I am thankful and in awe of how much love there is in that message. It is such a simple thing yet more complex than one can imagine. God is just grand that way! Continue with me on this great journey that God has prepared for us. Let us be mindful to Him and God bless all of you!

Esther in Lone Grove OK

I have been waiting for this Bible Study since I heard about it at your retreat in San Antonio, TX. Recently a women in our church has set it up. When I heard this I started praying for her and the Bible Study. I even had dreams about Beth being there at our Bible study. We have just started with the intro and I have done my first week of lesson. Let me tell you. It takes me about an hour a day to do these lessons. I love it. I have already learned more about myself and my marriages to my husband. Yes, marriages. I have married my husband twice. At the end of my first marriage with my husband I see a lot of King Xerxes. I can now see it all in a new light. I was the Queen that refused to follow irrational orders and paid the price! OK and to learn about following in another women's shadow. The getting is good! Beth you sure know a women's heart. Tomorrow we go back to have the first actual lesson. I am so excited to see what Beth has to say and what the other ladies got out of this.